My dog is cooler than I, and other thoughts.

Yes, I have come to the conclusion Bindi is indefinitely cooler than I am.
She's a much better athlete, with a bunch of ribbons, metals, awards, and titles to her name. She's been clocked at 30 miles per hour. You can see she's just a blob in that picture of all the guys getting pups ready for last weekend's flyball race!
Plus, she can eat whatever she wants, and doesn't put on anything other than muscle. I miss those days...
I read somewhere that once you have a kid, you realize your dog is just a dog. Don't think that will happen in our case, since about fiftyish percent of our social life revolves around the dog, our dog-loving friends, dog racing events, taking the dog on hikes and the lake, and so on!

Anyways...

Thoughts on current events:

Freed American Hikers: Welcome back to the U.S. I heard the border between North Korea and South Korea is scenic, but that doesn't mean you should check out. Seriously, whose bright idea was it to hike alongside Iran? If they at least took some responsibility for their actions, I'd feel a little more sorry for them.

Lady Gaga took a moment out of the iheartradio concert to pay tribute to a young fan who was driven to kill himself from his bullies. Very touching moment, I highly recommend you YouTube it. I hope you find peace, Jamey.

I'm going nuts without some form of The Bachelor. I need a new show for the next few months. Suggestions?

U.S. Congress... Please get your act together and try to avoid a shutdown. Thank you.

You know Facebook has control of our lives... When its changes are the top news stories. I hated them the first day. But lo and behold, I'm already used to them, even if they're kind of trippy.

Dr. Conrad Murray's involuntary manslaughter trial starts tomorrow, for the death of Michael Jackson. I'm sure it will be as, if not more wackier than the Casey Anthony trial. Im also curious to know how many of the jurors are secret diehard MJ fans going after blood. And a book deal.

We went to the UNLV vs SUU football game Saturday. You know, the one they were slated to win, but didn't? Will I ever physically witness the Rebels win a game in my lifetime? Every football game I've ever gone to, they've lost! It's a good thing our basketball team is decent. Now if they could only get their top players to stop getting in trouble with the law...

Two Pictures of Two Towers

I have two pictures of the World Trade Center.
The first one is the one I included. It shows the Twin Towers the way I remember them. Strong, massive, never-ending, I remember standing in between them as a kid and just looking up. They seemed to brush the clouds.
I took this picture during the summer of 2001, on a ferry headed to the Statue of Liberty. Back when people went to work and held meetings in the towers. Perhaps they grumbled about the long waits for the elevators, or the tourists clogging up walkways. It was the summer before my freshman year of high school, where I prolonged transitioning into an adult as long as I could.

I don't have the second picture printed, because it is seared in my memory forever. It is a picture of the next time I visited the World Trade Center. It had been several months since the attacks...but the twisted piles of iron and metal were still there, waiting to be sorted through. There were construction vehicles about, but other then them, the site was eerily silent. Hundreds of smiling faces peered at me...through the yellowed and crinkled missing persons fliers still up. Fliers of moms and dads and kids and friends, who went to work and didn't come home.
I don't need a photograph to remind me.

It's been ten years, but I think at least for me, it will always feel like yesterday. It was a defining moment in my life, as I'm sure it was for most. The weeks I spent glued to the television fueled my passion for the news and my respect for those working hard to tell the stories. It made me want to hug every firefighter, police officer, and first responder, and say "THANK YOU for caring enough to be willing to put your life out there for us!" It made me fiercely proud to be an American. It made me want to find the good in everyone, as ordinary people did extraordinary things that day.

Never Forget.

Also this summer...

This is how I blog. I don't do anything for weeks, then write out a whole bunch of catch-up blogs at once, preferably with a bunch of pictures so in case my house burns down, the internet will have saved my photos and memories.

So other summer tidbits...
We've been trying to get our money's worth out of the paddle boat. Seriously, who walks into a sporting goods store looking for hot dog pokers, and walks out with a boat? Seriously. But so far, it's my favorite impulse buy. Plus, it introduced us to how awesome Lake Mead is. I seriously thought the lake was diseased for years and you would get sick if you swam in it. Turns out, there's actually some halfway decent beaches, if you're willing to make the drive.









We're loving the new house. It's like 90% put together to my satisfaction. When it's at 95ish, I'll post pictures!

We went to Country Fest with Sierra and Darren!






It was a blast, and introduced me to this guy.




If I were 19 again, I'd totally have a humongous crush on Hunter Hayes. But since I'm *gulp* too old for him... I'll just stick with he's a good singer.

Oh, and Dierks Bentley was there too. I never knew I knew so many of his songs.



Overall, great show! Even Judd, who really doesn't like country music, enjoyed himself.

Let's see, other than that...
Being a vampire has gotten easier. I'm really liking the morning show, and I've even gotten to do a little on camera work recently, which is NERVEWRACKING... but totally aweasome. I still haven't watched it back though, I'm afraid it will make me all self conscious.

No answers yet on all my religious issues. I'm still working on that.

We're serious about this working out stuff. And eating better stuff. For real this time. I'd like to think it's showing!

Oh, and we paid off both our cars this month! Just in time for my lame student loans to kick in. I can't complain too much though, there was a time those loans were keeping us afloat.


Thoughts on Current Events:

Journalists freed in Libya! Sometimes when I think it would be cool to go international, I think about stuff like that. It's still exciting to me though. I hope that country can finally come together.

Las Vegas is experiencing a record breaking heat wave this week. Yesterday was supposed to be the hottest day of the year. Honestly, once you get into those triple digits, hot is hot is hot.

An earthquake hit the east coast. Personally, I think the media over-did it when it came to reporting the story. It wasn't that bad, right? I wasn't there, so I really don't know. This made me laugh though:



In all seriousness to my East Coast friends (and I am one of you so you know I love you!), I'd probably be freaked out a bit if an earthquake struck when I was least expecting it. But right now, if I were on the east coast, I'd be more worried about Hurricane Irene. Which I am, because apparently Cape Cod is right in her path.

It's Bachelor Pad time. The ultimate, sleeziest, guiltiest pleasure show around! I thought this girl was freakin' psycho during Brad's second season of the Bachelor (but loved her anyways!).



SO once again, I'm Team Michelle! At least she says it like it is, and you know she's there for "the right reasons."

Some beach, somewhere...

There's very few things in life that make me happier than this particular beach.



Or fishing in this ocean.




Or wreaking havoc with this girl.




Or eating this meal.




Or walking these flats.


Or being out on this boat with this family.



Actually... just being on the boat to begin with...



Or watering thousands of runners with these fine folks.



Or saying goodnight to this moon.



Here's to another nearly perfect Cape Cod summer!
The only thing that would have made it more perfect is if Judd was able to go with me.
But he knows he's moving me to Massachusetts someday, preferably within this decade, so that's okay.

This is starting to get frustrating

I posted a few blogs back about some concerns I had in "believing vs. Knowing". I wrote I can't 100% say I "know" my religion is true. I didn't really get into it, other than my extreme dislike for defined gender roles. Thank you to those who replied. It did help me to read your responses.

This is where I'm struggling. I have a lot of questions, really deep questions I feel I won't progress until I know the answers to. And no one will answer them for me. They tiptoe around the sensitive topics, tell me it doesn't really matter, and to just pray/read my scriptures/go to church. But then again, maybe that's the only answer to give. Out of the three, prayer seems to be the only thing making a difference, even though I still feel like I need my questions answered. And maybe that in itself is an answer.

I honestly think everyone is too scared to face something that would make them question their faith in the slightest. And even if they were questioning, I don't think anyone would admit it.

So this is me admitting I'm questioning everything. Maybe if you are too, at least you don't have to feel as alone as I do in this.

And since no one in church seems to know or want to even consider anything, I hate to admit I've had to go to other sources. The stuff we're told to stay away from. I was desperate to find someone who might be having the same issues, and boy, did I find them. Now I'm just even more confused.

I can't live my life doubting, or being guilted into things, or being made to feel bad when I fall short. I think God has more on His plate to worry about then the silly petty things our church seems to get caught up in. So I'm on a quest for spiritual enlightenment. I need to know what I believe. Living off other people's testimonies isn't getting me anywhere. So I think I'm going to take a step back and really examine what my core beliefs actually are. Then try to build off that.

Once again, I know it's not what anyone wants to hear. I can only hope maybe I can help one person feel a little less alone if they have any of these struggles. It's kind of depressing to think how many people would disown me if they knew I had doubts, much less, act on them.

I'm really okay otherwise though. I just need to get this all sorted out, and soon.

Day 9: A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

(this picture is really... really old. I think we're seniors in high school or something. But what a night! Elton John with the bestie!)

There are a ton of people who have gotten me through a lot of things. Judd especially. But when it comes to the person who has gotten me through the MOST, with the exception of my parents... that would have to be NewBurger.

You can call her Sasha. I've called her NewBurger or NewBocker for years, since people rarely can pronounce her awesome last name.

Sasha and I became friends when we took Sex Ed together our freshman year of high school. Fitting. That class is awkward as it is... but it was fun to have a friend to laugh it through with.

So we're celebrating ten years of friendship this year. Ten years of laughter, shopping trips, chocolate cake nights, theatre woes, stupid boyfriends, car rides, and so on.

Sasha is one of those people who is upfront and honest, but gentle at the same time. I've never felt judged around her, but I have been inspired to make changes from her good example. She gives really great advice on everything from fashion to relationships.

This one is to Sasha, one person I will always cherish!

I was born to be brave

It's slightly embarrassing that my new life slogan comes from a Lady Gaga song, but it floats my boat, so I'll deal with it.

I didn't use to be brave. I'd have moments, but I never had the self confidence necessary to prove it, up until a few years ago. I decided I was tired of living in fear of rejection. So I've tried to not let fear get in my way, and so far, it's worked out pretty well.

There's two letters I've been putting off writing for a long time. I've been terrified of rejection from the recipients. Both are letters of apology, but for very different reasons. I don't think either person would want to see me in person, so in the back of my head, I thought if I wrote them letters, perhaps I could make peace with myself and with those people.

One is to a boy I once loved. The other is to my grandmother.

I just finished what I think is the harder one, and that is to the boy, well, a man now. I screwed a lot of things up for him, caused a world of hurt, and it's literally haunted me for years. I have nightmares about it. I should have been a more supportive person. Instead, I let my own selfishness get in the way.

I've sent it off, and there's no turning back.

Now I need to re-humble myself for the next letter.

I'm an awful grand daughter. I have extremely weak relationships with my grandparents, which is pretty pathetic since most of them are still living. One of my grandmothers literally lives about five minutes from me, but I have had no contact with her for about two years.

It's not entirely my fault. She cut off contact with my family after a big fallout. But I feel like I should be the bigger person and maybe try to rekindle something, even if no one else will. Unlike the other letter, I have no idea what I even want to say. But I could start with "hello". I know she's been battling some illnesses for awhile. I hate that she's doing it alone, out of bitterness. I want her to know she has people who still love and care about her.

I guess life is just too short to let scared or negative feelings take over any kind of relationship. Even if these two don't write me back, I'll know I at least tried to make peace.