This is starting to get frustrating

I posted a few blogs back about some concerns I had in "believing vs. Knowing". I wrote I can't 100% say I "know" my religion is true. I didn't really get into it, other than my extreme dislike for defined gender roles. Thank you to those who replied. It did help me to read your responses.

This is where I'm struggling. I have a lot of questions, really deep questions I feel I won't progress until I know the answers to. And no one will answer them for me. They tiptoe around the sensitive topics, tell me it doesn't really matter, and to just pray/read my scriptures/go to church. But then again, maybe that's the only answer to give. Out of the three, prayer seems to be the only thing making a difference, even though I still feel like I need my questions answered. And maybe that in itself is an answer.

I honestly think everyone is too scared to face something that would make them question their faith in the slightest. And even if they were questioning, I don't think anyone would admit it.

So this is me admitting I'm questioning everything. Maybe if you are too, at least you don't have to feel as alone as I do in this.

And since no one in church seems to know or want to even consider anything, I hate to admit I've had to go to other sources. The stuff we're told to stay away from. I was desperate to find someone who might be having the same issues, and boy, did I find them. Now I'm just even more confused.

I can't live my life doubting, or being guilted into things, or being made to feel bad when I fall short. I think God has more on His plate to worry about then the silly petty things our church seems to get caught up in. So I'm on a quest for spiritual enlightenment. I need to know what I believe. Living off other people's testimonies isn't getting me anywhere. So I think I'm going to take a step back and really examine what my core beliefs actually are. Then try to build off that.

Once again, I know it's not what anyone wants to hear. I can only hope maybe I can help one person feel a little less alone if they have any of these struggles. It's kind of depressing to think how many people would disown me if they knew I had doubts, much less, act on them.

I'm really okay otherwise though. I just need to get this all sorted out, and soon.