Kaden
Elias Kidman’s official stats: Born Tuesday, November 26, 2013, at 9:51 p.m.
Exactly a week early. 8 lbs, 11 ounces, 19 inches long.
Getting
him here: that’s a much longer story! This is going to be lengthy, but I don’t
want to forget any details!
I
started having contractions the Saturday before he was born. By Monday, I knew
there was no way he was making it to his December 3rd due date.
Actually, I’ve kind of known that for awhile, but Monday, I was positive. After
Judd’s physical therapy appointment Monday for his broken leg, we decided to
have a last “just us” date night at Applebees (since we were both in sweat
pants and that was as fancy as we felt like being!).
Tuesday
morning, as I was getting ready for my doctor’s appointment, my water broke. I
was terrified this would happen at work or somewhere equally embarrassing, so
it was kind of a relief it was in my own house. Luckily Judd was still home. I
think this was our first “Oh $#!+, this kid is actually coming” moment. We went
to my doctor’s office, but couldn’t get past the reception desk. They told us
we needed to be at the hospital, which fortunately is 3 minutes from my house.
We got
checked in, and were admitted. I was 4 centimeters, 80% effaced. I was feeling
pretty good at this point, was still committed to a Hypnobirth, and didn’t feel
like I needed pain meds. My doula Cassie arrived a little while later, and the
wait began.
Like I
said, at first, I felt great. I was excited, feeling pretty confident, and
ready to give this baby a peaceful entrance into the world.
Unfortunately,
that all went out the window after a few hours. I was in so much pain, and
having the hardest time recalling everything I had done to prepare for a
natural, unmedicated childbirth. But I was stubborn, and I think it’s because I
told everyone I was going all natural, I was determined to go through with it.
So I
stuck it out six hours. Six long, painful hours. Nothing I did seemed to help,
but I didn’t want to give in. But eventually, I did.
The
last few hours, I felt like I lost sight of the reason why I was there, to
deliver Kaden. All I could focus on was how horrific this experience was, and
seriously regretting not getting some kind of relief. The weird thing was, I
wasn’t screaming or anything. It wasn’t like the movies. I kind of withdrew
from everyone and everything, which is probably why no one realized there was
an issue for awhile.
Eventually
I realized that getting medicine would make this a more positive experience. It
was disappointing, but I didn’t want to have any regrets or have any resentment
to my son. So Judd, Cassie, and I made the decision to go with an epidural.
If
anything is a testament to how uncomfortable I was, it’s this: I’m normally
PETRIFRIED of needles. It’s one of the reasons I wanted an unmedicated birth.
The thought of an epidural needle in my BACK sounded like the most miserable
thing ever. But at this point, I didn’t even care. I just wanted relief. Which
fortunately, came very quickly. The next few hours were a breeze. I don’t
remember a lot about them, except that I got in a nice nap.
After a
few hours, they decided I was ready to push. I was excited again, and ready to
do this. I joked and laughed with Judd and my Doula in between contractions and
felt pretty good about life.
But all
the laughing ended after a couple hours. I realized the epidural had worn off
on my left side, so I could feel everything again, at least on that side. But I
wasn’t sure how to describe that to my nurse Delany (who was AWESOME by the
way!). And something none of us knew at the time, Kaden was really, really big.
At least his head was. As in too big to fit through my pelvis. So he was making
absolutely NO progress.
So I
continued to push, still feeling everything on one side, a baby who physically
was not going to make it through. I did this for FOUR HOURS. Eventually they
did realize my epidural wasn’t working and tried to fix it. I just gritted my
teeth and focused on pushing Kaden out.
Eventually
it was pow-wow time with Dr. George Foster, my OBGYN as of 6 weeks ago (weird
how these things happen, but he’s cool so it all worked out). He told me Kaden
was too big, and I needed a C-section. Kaden had already had a scary moment
where his heart rate dropped, and they were worried he was going into distress.
I
instantly started crying. I was mad at my body for not being strong enough to
handle the pain. Now I was mad at it for not being able to properly birth a
baby. I was terrified of having a major surgery that I hadn’t really prepared
myself for. And part of me was relieved that this was all going to be over in
just a few minutes.
They
re-did my epidural, but put some stronger drugs in. Cassie started talking me
through what was going to happen, while Judd got his scrubs on. I was bummed
Cassie couldn’t come in with me, since she had been so comforting the whole
night. They quickly wheeled me into the operating room. Judd sat next to me,
and the procedure began.
I was
so out of it from all the pushing, then all the extra drugs being pumped into
me, that I was asleep during surgery prep. And it took all I had to stay awake
during the surgery itself. I felt the tugging, and listened as the nurses told
me what was happening. Judd looked nervous, but excited. I couldn’t believe
that in moments, I was going to be a mom.
5
minutes after the surgery started, Kaden Elias Kidman was born.
I heard
his cries, and tried to lift my head to see him. But I couldn’t move, so I sent
Judd. I saw some nurses carry a bundle of blankets to a table across the room,
with a little foot hanging out. I heard things like “look at all his hair!”
“What a big kid!” “Wanna put bets on how big he is? Easily a 9 pounder!” Judd
came back over and said “he’s here! He looks great!”. I could barely see anything, but was hanging
on every word anyone said, trying to get some information on my new son. I
heard someone yell out “ 8 pounds 11 ounces,” then “yeah, no way that baby was
going anywhere on his own. His head is huge!”
Eventually
they brought him over. He was completely wrapped up, but his pink little face
was out. I thought he was going to be huge the way everyone was talking about
him, but he looked so little. Except for his big head, with dark eyes staring
at me. They told me I could give him a kiss. I did, then they took him away
again. I asked Judd to go with him. I had really wanted to do skin-to-skin
contact, and was feeling guilty that he was getting such a rushed entrance in
this world.
They
put me back together, then put me in the recovery room. Longest hour of my
life. All I wanted was to see my baby and my husband. It might not sound like a
big deal to some people, but after carrying him nine months, putting my body
through hell to get him here, and then having him taken away was really
painful.
Luckily,
the nurses were really good about getting Kaden to me as soon as possible. They
respected my request to not feed him, and had me do skin-to-skin while still in
recovery. I was still a little drugged up, but enjoyed those few moments
getting to hold my son for the first time.
I
didn’t have that crazy, falling in love moment until later that night. It was
probably about two or three in the morning. Everything was quiet, and I was
trying to just absorb everything that had happened in the last few hours. I
happened to look over at the bassinet next to my bed, and Kaden was staring at
me through the glass. He had this look on his face like he knew who I was, and
he was happy to see me. I paged the nurse and asked her to get him out for me.
I held him for hours, singing songs and just talking to him. Probably should
have slept, but there was only going to be one first night with my baby.
So
that’s Kaden’s birth story! The rest is a happy bliss of family, friends, and
people coming out to show their love and support. We’re only on day 5, and
already, I feel like he’s always been a part of our family. I love my little
son, am still in shock that my body created someone so cute, and just want to
do everything I can to make him happy. I’m not upset by my experience, I
understand now that surgery was the only way he was meant to get here. I’m
grateful that modern medicine made that possible. I can’t wait for each new day
getting to know Kaden better, and for the new adventures our little family will
have!
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