Wednesday I learned the heartbreaking news that John Dehlin and Kate Kelly are facing church discipline and excommunication for their actions. I wasn't shocked at the news, but I am very, very sad.
If you've LDS and have never heard of John Dehlin, I envy you. This means you are probably very satisfied and happy in your faith. It means you probably have never googled "uncomfortable at LDS church" and landed on his website. It means you've probably never struggled with the agonizing decision to leave the religion you were raised in, and turned to his kind suggestions on how to stay involved.
If you're LDS, you might not know Kate Kelly by name, but you've probably heard of the movement she leads, Ordain Women. If you've brushed this off as crazy outspoken women who are out to cause problems, I question if you actually understand what the movement is about. And if you honestly believe all women are happy and equal at church, I wonder if you feel any empathy to the thousands who don't agree.
It's no secret to my family and friends that I have really struggled over the last few years with the church. What was supposed to be only a few month break stretched into a few years. I'm not going to lie, it's been a huge burden off my shoulders. I was really unhappy at church, mainly because I didn't feel valued as a woman. Combined with some serious doctrinal and historical issues, it's been a relief to not have an internal debate every Sunday with what I believed verses how I felt.
But over the past few months, I wondered if I was doing my son a serious disservice by not having that church community. It's one aspect I missed from the church. I've felt spiritually depleted as well. I've wondered if I should go back, and try to make it work.
John Dehlin and Kate Kelly have given me hope that there are like-minded people who feel as I do. They've been brave enough to provide a forum for people to discuss the issues, and try to enact change. I've learned a lot on Dehlin's site, and have met kindred spirits through the Ordain Women movement. I think the irony of this possible excommunication is that these two have been working to keep people with differing opinions in the church.
But with the news of their possible excommunications, I feel defeated. This sends a very strong message: If there's no room for them, there's no room for me.
I've been saddened by the many Facebook and other social media posts, where members say things like "Good riddance," "take the rest with you," or other hurtful comments. If non-members could see some of the terrible things I'm seeing, I seriously doubt they'd want to join a church that appears a) sexist, and b) hateful. There is a long history of changes that have happened because members spoke up. These movements are in existence because sometimes, it works.
This church is supposed to be full of "particular people". But what about the particular people within the particular people? Those who cannot fit in the mold, those who have questions, see the pain, and try to do something about it? It's easy for TBMs to brush them off and say go find another church. But it's not that simple. When we have families and history invested there, it's really difficult to just pick up and walk away. But that's probably what I will end up doing.
Is it too much to ask for women to have the same leadership roles men have? Is it too much to accept if GLBT members have an opportunity to live authentic lives? Is it too much to fathom that someday this church will focus less on stringent policies, endless meetings, and busy work, and more on Jesus and the community (the actual community, not just people in the ward/stake)?
I don't think so. And I know there's thousands who agree. They may appear happy and completely satisfied at church, but inside, they're hurting too. I've been shocked at the number of people who have reached out to me and said they felt the same way, I would have never guessed. It's clear that these are the reasons people want to leave. Not because they are lazy, not because they want to sin. It's because there is no room for them.
And what makes it even more heartbreaking is that those who want to stay, are just being forced out anyway.
John Dehlin's Mormon Stories:
http://mormonstories.org/john-dehlin/
Ordain Women (10 points if you find my profile):
http://ordainwomen.org/
I thought only emo teenagers had angst...
14 years ago
Hey Kris,
ReplyDeleteWe've never actually met, but we are related. My name is Micah and i'm married to Katrina (Kidman), Judd's cousin. Its funny, because I too saw the article talking about John and Kate's situation with the LDS church. I've been a big fan of Mormon Stories for a while now, and I feel like the church is making a(nother) huge mistake by moving forward with their excommunication. Oddly enough, Kat and I talked at length about this whole situation last night, but I guess my takeaway is a little different than yours.
I myself haven't been involved in the church at any capacity (other than my records) in almost 2 years. I too have major historical, doctrinal, personal and fundamental problems with the church, and I guess that where my disconnect with the issue at hand begins.
At the core of this issue, trying to change LDS doctrine is a moot point.
I look at it this way - We are dealing with people that believe the church is and was founded by God and is currently being run by people appointed by God, not men. So if there is a point being made through the church's teachings and doctrine, its GOD, and not man, who is making it. What is politically correct or socially acceptable shouldn't factor in at all if God is making the rules, people's feelings straight up shouldn't matter. "My house. My rules", right? Thats where it gets tricky for me. You are left with 2 options.
1 - Either God is in charge and calling the shots
2 - Or this church is man made, pure and simple.
If you take the mental gymnastics out of it all, there is no other route to go. The more people try to force the church to submit to their will or the will of the popular majority/minority, the more obvious it becomes that God really doesn't play a part in its decision making, only in its justification. What is more probable? That God woke up one day and decided polygamy is no longer needed in this life? Or was it more so the fact that the LDS church's practice of polygamy was standing in the way of Utah's statehood? What was more likely? That God was suddenly convinced that black people were worthy of the priesthood after all? Or was it that the church's tax exemption status was being questioned by the US government over issues related to racism being practiced and discussed in LDS doctrine? If two children are fighting over who gets to stay up late or play with a toy, the parent doesn't give in to their demands based on their feelings of what is and isn't fair, right, socially and politically unacceptable. They may have made a strong and educated case, but rules are rules.
So my question is this - Why try to change anything at all? At its very core, the doctrine of the church is sexist and bigoted. A church's place in society isn't one of political correctness and right or wrong, it is a place of faith and dogma, no matter how outdated and ridiculous. If you change its doctrine to mean something completely different, what would you really be accomplishing? At best you'd be ridding yourself of one less problem to worry about out of many MANY more. Shouldn't the takeaway here be that the church isn't for you? For me? That it isn't for John and Kate? Because if all of these very progressive changes do take place (it would be the right, fair, social and politically correct thing to do) and the LDS church becomes a place where homosexuality in accepted, women are priesthood holders, etc it wasn't God's decision. It was a decision that was made for the overall benefit of the church by those who are running the show. And you would prove once and for all that God doesn't really factor into the equation at all. You are right about one thing - If there's no room for them, there is no room for me.