"...No need to lobby for rights"

A fair warning: this blog will not be spiritual or pleasant.

It's Martin Luther King, Jr. Day! A time to honor the man who made it his life mission to secure equal rights for all Americans. A time to remember the sacrifices so many people endured so we could live in a society where people shouldn't be judged by the color of their skin, their gender, or who they want to marry. A time to reflect on the privileges Americans have in this country to speak up if they don't agree with something, and lobby to make it better.

But there's one group, my friends, who is being told to NOT lobby for their rights.

I'm talking about the women of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, specifically the impressionable Young Women ages 12-18.

Consider this quote from Elaine S. Dalton, General Young Women's President, given just a few days ago at a BYU devotional:

"Young women you will be the ones who will provide the example of virtuous womanhood and motherhood. You will continue to be virtuous lovely praiseworthy and of good report. You will also be the ones to provide an example of family life in a time when families are under attack, being redefined and disintegrating. You will understand your roles and your responsibilities and thus will see no need to lobby for rights."
Elaine S. Dalton, YW General President, January 15, 2013.

http://byutv.org/watch/de1638f4-c3d1-48ec-8999-cc8face48ab7/byu-devotional-address-elaine-s-dalton-11513
At approximately the 32:28 mark

I can already hear the argument that perhaps this is just Sister Dalton's opinion, and doesn't represent the Church's stand.

But remember, this is the woman who is the head of the entire Young Women's program. And now, she's telling those girls to accept things as they are and keep quiet about it. The speech was given a week ago. If the Church disagreed with it, wouldn't they have said something by now?

Recently, there have been two social movements in the Church. One, Wear Pants To Church Day. This was an opportunity for women and girls to show support to those who have felt demeaned at church because of gender, simply by wearing pants.

The other is ongoing: an effort to finally have a woman pray in General Conference this year. It's never been done before. It may not sound like a big deal, but to the thousands of people signing the petitions, it is.

Fun fact: did you know women were banned from saying the opening or closing prayer in Sacrament meeting in 1967? The ban stayed in place until 1978, when the Brethren admitted there wasn't a scriptural reason for it in the first place.

Anyway, so these two big movements are getting a lot of attention, both from church members, and the media. Is it just a coincidence Sister Dalton told this audience there was no need to lobby for rights? I don't think so.

This speech has inspired a lot of LDS feminist response. I'm glad I'm not the only one shocked by this. The first link is an open letter I was touched by. The second, a moving essay about one of MANY LDS women who have lobbied for rights.

http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/2013/01/dear-sister-dalton/

http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/2013/01/keep-busy-in-the-face-of-discouragement/

I will close with just a few more thoughts:

This blog is in no way attacking anyone who chooses to live the life prescribed by Sister Dalton. Having a strong and faithful family is great! And if a woman chooses to stay home to strengthen her family, more power to her. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I'm not against stay-at-home moms. I'm against the theory that all women must live this life because they are women.

Women have a long history of lobbying for rights. We've come so far. Now, we see a movement where women recognize they aren't being treated equally in the church. Obviously this isn't every woman. I've been told by numerous friends they feel just fine in the church, and that's good for them.

But at some point, we have to recognize there are enough frustrated women in the church, that two big movements were started within a few months of each other recently. We have to recognize our sisters are hurt, and find the problems behind it, instead of telling them there is nothing to worry about. Instead of getting so defensive of the church, we have to remember it ISN'T perfect. All one has to to is look at the very inconsistent history to figure that out. There are problems that need to be addressed, not ignored.

I'm sure I'm frustrating a lot of people with these blogs and thoughts. Thank you to those who continue to read and support me. This journey has not been easy. But if I could get one person to really think about, and talk about these issues, it will be worth it. I've had a lot of meaningful conversations with both women and men about how upset they are about this kind of stuff, but feel like their opinions aren't listened to.

I've also listened to members who really don't see the issues at all and don't feel like it is a problem. For those who I've been able to have a good conversation with that didn't turn into an attack, thank you. I recognize the church has done a lot of good for a lot of people. It can be hurtful to see someone angry at it. I've been on that side of the fence, I know.

I've had some people ask why I don't just leave. Clearly, I don't like the doctrine, the rules, or the culture. For personal reasons I don't want to get into on this blog, I'm kind of stuck where I'm at. It's incredibly frustrating to me at times, and it only gets worse when I see stuff like Sister Dalton's speech.

The only way I know to live my life now is by not lying to myself and others. I'm not going to pretend to be super LDS around some people because I'm afraid they'll shun me if I'm not. I'm just going to be the person I want to be, which is a strong, open-minded woman who isn't afraid to think outside the box. I just have to have faith at the end of the day, people still like me for ME, not because of my beliefs.