Believing vs. Knowing

I've come to the realization I believe plenty of things... but in all honesty, I really don't "know" how much is 100% true.

Admitting you really don't know something is scary. But sometimes, you just do it, either to get help, deflect blame, or get it out of the way. I'm a skeptical person by nature. When I write stories for the newscasts, I make sure I always attribute iffy facts to someone else, I'm not taking responsibility if it ends up not being true.

I feel like there's this really bad stigma that surrounds questioning things that you've always believed, but want to know if what you're believing is real. "Just have faith," people will say. If I ask a difficult question, I'm either told to pray about it, or just "know" things will work out for the best.

I think it's no secret I'm not the best example of an LDS person. Far from it. I'm fine on my belief in the Gospel... but I seriously struggle with the Church's stances on social issues. I struggle to the point where I start questioning if I really "believe" in what I think I do.

For example... I simply can't grasp the idea that my role in life is to be a full-time mom. I realize I'm walking a very fine line here, since about half the readers of this blog are. I'm not criticizing anyone's decision. I think it's a personal one every woman must make, with the best interest of her family in mind. But to lump every woman in the same category just because of their sex as the primary caregivers of children... like I said... I really have a hard time with this.

I could go on about other religious concerns I have, but that would take forever and quite frankly turn into a major downer.

So what do you do? What happens when you start questioning? Do you continue to believe because you're scared of what will happen if you stop? Do you really just go with it, hoping for the best? Or do you do what I've been doing, which is cutting and pasting the parts of my religion I like... and trying to avoid the parts that make me really uncomfortable. I know that makes me a major fence sitter and it's probably pretty hypocritical, but sometimes it's the best I can do.

It would be really helpful if church leaders were willing to openly discuss some issues. I've brought a few up, but I've always been brushed aside by a "just pray about it" or "the Prophet said so."

If you can honestly say, with 100% certainty, you know instead of believe... that's really good. I wish I were at that point. I have moments, but they're fleeting.

Sorry to take this out on this blog. There was another blog I used to write more touchy feely stuff on, but I haven't touched it in awhile. It's good to get this jumble of thoughts out. By all means, I'm not considering leaving the Church. I'm just trying to sort out some thoughts.

And I would really like to know how other people have dealt with faith concerns. The way people behave at church, you would think no one ever goes through them, but I bet I'm not the only one. Plus, you guys are friends! And I think people here are thankfully pretty open-minded.