I was born to be brave

It's slightly embarrassing that my new life slogan comes from a Lady Gaga song, but it floats my boat, so I'll deal with it.

I didn't use to be brave. I'd have moments, but I never had the self confidence necessary to prove it, up until a few years ago. I decided I was tired of living in fear of rejection. So I've tried to not let fear get in my way, and so far, it's worked out pretty well.

There's two letters I've been putting off writing for a long time. I've been terrified of rejection from the recipients. Both are letters of apology, but for very different reasons. I don't think either person would want to see me in person, so in the back of my head, I thought if I wrote them letters, perhaps I could make peace with myself and with those people.

One is to a boy I once loved. The other is to my grandmother.

I just finished what I think is the harder one, and that is to the boy, well, a man now. I screwed a lot of things up for him, caused a world of hurt, and it's literally haunted me for years. I have nightmares about it. I should have been a more supportive person. Instead, I let my own selfishness get in the way.

I've sent it off, and there's no turning back.

Now I need to re-humble myself for the next letter.

I'm an awful grand daughter. I have extremely weak relationships with my grandparents, which is pretty pathetic since most of them are still living. One of my grandmothers literally lives about five minutes from me, but I have had no contact with her for about two years.

It's not entirely my fault. She cut off contact with my family after a big fallout. But I feel like I should be the bigger person and maybe try to rekindle something, even if no one else will. Unlike the other letter, I have no idea what I even want to say. But I could start with "hello". I know she's been battling some illnesses for awhile. I hate that she's doing it alone, out of bitterness. I want her to know she has people who still love and care about her.

I guess life is just too short to let scared or negative feelings take over any kind of relationship. Even if these two don't write me back, I'll know I at least tried to make peace.